My Decision to Serve

             If you asked me a year ago if I would be going on a mission, hands down my answer would be no. In fact it probably would be more like, "Never in a million years, you are crazy, lets never talk of this again." In fact, I'm pretty sure I had that exact same conversation with at least twenty people. Honestly, I really was starting to want to go, but I never felt like it was what I was supposed to do. Here's the thing, in my Patriarchal Blessing, it tells me in no uncertain terms several of the things I'm supposed to do in my life. But no mention of a mission. Now, I know that your Blessing won't always plan out your life specifically, but because of the other things written in it, I always felt that if I was supposed to go, it would be there. It took me along time to figure out that it was ok to go on a mission, that it was my choice. I finally realized that it wasn't in my blessing because it had to be something I chose to do for myself. I wasn't told to go on a mission, because I had to make the choice to go. I'm glad that's the case. Honestly, if it was in my Blessing, it always would have always been a part of my plan. I would have accepted it and moved on. But this way I struggled. The decision wasn't easy to make, and I had a lot of sleepless nights because of it. That struggle is how I know I made the right decision.  I can tell you without a shadow of a doubt that not only am I supposed go on a mission, but that I want to. I don't think I've ever wanted something so badly.
          Now that my mission papers have been submitted, everything seems so much more real. I, Ellen Rose Ervin, will leave my home, my family, and my friends for eighteen months. I'm terrified, completely and totally terrified. But I know everything will be just fine. I cannot wait to receive my call, to know where I'm going to serve. I know it's going to be difficult, without a doubt the most difficult thing I've ever done. But I also know it's going to be worth it. Because I know The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints is true. Jesus Christ is the Son of God; he is my Savior and my Redeemer. This is the only thing that makes sense to me, and I'm grateful the Gospel is in my life.
          As far as the blog goes, you probably know the drill. My mom will post letters and pictures from my mission here for you to read. Whether you are a frequent visitor or just an occasional passerby, know that I love you. I love all of you. You have given me the strength to do this, and I cannot thank you enough for that gift. Soon I will let you all know where I am going. I eagerly look forward to the chance to share that with you. -Ellen