So this week I was feeling really inadequate. It made me remember a couple of weeks ago when I was talking to an English Class student, and I just said, “HO STRESS.” Well he wanted to know how I could possibly be stressed. He pointed out that I'm not working, don't have a family to provide for, and don't have to worry about how I'm going to find my next meal. All in all, he thinks I had absolutely nothing to be stressed about. Really? I don't know how many times someone tells me, “You're literally holding the salvation of souls in your hands.” Right, no pressure.
It's not like I'm stressed all the time, but, once in a while, it's really easy to remember how imperfect, inadequate, and unlearned I am. In these moments how can I not think, why me? Why would God trust such a person with the salvation of these precious souls? These people mean everything to Him; you would think He would send someone a little stronger. I don't know . . . maybe someone who isn't, well . . . me.
This morning I read something that turned everything around. It's not like I haven't read it before, but with the last few days of feeling like I could do nothing right, it was exactly what I needed.
|Sometimes you're just walking along a little|
side street on your way to church, and you
realize you're in Italy.
The feeling never gets old.
“Wherefore, I call upon the weak things of the world, those who are unlearned and despised, to thresh the nations by the power of my Spirit;
“Keep all the commandments and covenants by which ye are bound; and I will cause the heavens to shake for your good, and Satan shall tremble and Zion shall rejoice upon the hills and flourish;
“Fear not, little flock, the kingdom is yours until I come. Behold, I come quickly. Even so. Amen” Doctrine and Covenants 35:13, 24, and 27.
Well, I'm weak, I'm unlearned, and as a missionary I have definitely been despised. So guess what, I'm exactly where I need to be. I asked myself, why does God want the weak when He has an army of strong members in His army? Why does He call those of us who are young? I don't think it's because God needs weak people, rather, He needs his weak people to become strong. I think He calls the young people of the Church to this specific work because we are those who can best benefit from doing this exact work.
Maybe I'm wrong; like I said, I'm unlearned. However, I know that my mission has blessed my own life way more than it has blessed anyone else. So yes, I'm weak, sometimes I cry . . . okay, often. But I'm trying my best and that's really all God wants.
I show this picture to about a thousand people everyday, and I ask them all the same question. “What do you think when you look at this picture?” The answer is usually the same: “Sono un agnello, ma Gesù mi ama.” [I am a lamb, Jesus loves me.] It's true. We are a little flock, little lambs who depend on our Shepherd for everything. In the end, all that matters is that He loves us. This picture gives me strength everyday.
Vi vogliamo un mondo di bene! Fear not little flock.